This will be my last entry

I am a titan; a monolith. Men like me do not grow on trees. I pity those that neither discover nor claim their birthrights - the ones that stay at home safe and sound. Where I am going, most cannot follow. But I was built to endure. I was designed from the ground up to be something new in a land that reeks of stale and antiquated ideas - ideas that have proven time and time again to fail. Titans do not cling to these ideas. Titans break the rules and write the new ones.

Let the world know I walk with God. I yielded my sword to His Son. No one can say I am not His friend.

The ones who only know us from peeking out their windows will never really see us for what we are. We are fierce giants in a land of small men. What we are capable of is both beautiful and terrifying - and for good reason. We were not built to walk a land that was kind to us. We were built with the power to crush life in our hands. We choose to be gentle - we choose it because someone more powerful than us chose first to be gentle to us in kind.

I am a titan; a monolith. What runs in my veins is not a curse. It can be used for good. It does not mean that the good won't sometimes be afraid of us. This is our banner - that we choose good, though the good do not always know us. We are not the same kind. My kind has scars, bruises, evidence of combat. The pristine and unblemished find us an eyesore - an inconvenience to the property value of the neighborhood. They have no real fight in them and so they do not understand the value of a scar. They don't really know what it means to fight; to overcome. They are the pristine. The unblemished. And we are not their kind. But these are the same that cannot follow where I am going. They could never survive the fight. And for this they have my sympathy. They will grow old in their ivory towers and they will never know adventure until God comes back. These poor souls that never learned to take a leap.

I will go and I will walk with God. And someday I will be no more. But when I am gone, they will remember that I lived, that I was a friend of God, that I had fight, that I had passion, and that I did not stay at home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo

Fear not. He loves you.

ive just had a rather good experience. it comes not because of my actions, but in spite of them. my biggest struggle is trying to get an accurate look at the Father. Undoing two decades of viewing him as the grumpy step-father is difficult, but i know He wants me to see Him as He is. i haven't been acting in a very Godly manner this last week. ive made decisions that im ashamed of and i have been afraid that more and more my dark side was re-emerging to be the dominant force in my life. trying to bargain with God and beg Him not to leave me in this state as images of sternness and irritation on His part have been hard to shake. but this morning, at the peak of my disgust with myself and fear of my own capacity for evil, i dreamed a spirit of evil tried to enter me and take control and could not. i admit, it was terrifying, but when i awoke the Father reminded me of the deposit of His Spirit that He has placed inside me. such a thing i cannot lose because of the sacrifice of His Son Christ Jesus and my invitation that He be Lord over me. i am so very grateful for a God who, when we are behaving at our worst, will stoop down so low to where i have been and say, "Fear not. I love you." thank you Father. thank you Lord Jesus. thank you Holy Spirit.

Five week progress report

Total reps - 6540/8000 rep goal

Average rep/day - 186/115 needed to make goal (counting rest days)

81% of goal completed in 50% of time allotted

Four week progress report

Total reps - 5440/8000 rep goal

Average rep/day - 194/115 needed to make goal (counting rest days)

68% of goal completed in 40% of time allotted

He leads us to places we don't understand sometimes.  This is something we must embrace if we are to say we are actually seeking His face.  We are not promised a painless ride.  That just isn't the case.  There is a reason, its His reason, and we dont always get a peek at the blueprints.  I guess this is what it means to trust Him.  I think Im starting to get it, and though it hurts I wouldnt trade it for the world.  cheers.

Three week progress report

Total Reps - 4000/8000 rep goal

Average Rep/day - 190/115 needed to reach goal (counting rest days)

50% of goal completed in 30% of time alloted

this is pretty much all i write about in the summer

Two week progress report

Total Reps - 2200/8000 rep goal
Average Rep/day - 157/115 needed to reach goal (counting rest days)

27.5% of goal completed in 20% of time alloted